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November 18, 2010

I received a thoughtful email from someone today about aligning the actions in your life with your personal values.  I believe in that, it keeps your outsides and insides in harmony.  Congruous.  A word from geometry that means the same thing.

But I don’t happen to feel harmonious.  I feel afraid.  And saddened.

My big dog, who has been sick for a while now, is approaching the end of his life.  His illness has progressed rapidly, causing a considerable amount of discomfort, steadily increasing as the days continue.

It grieves me to witness this, to ask him to endure another day, to coax him to eat another bowl of food that will give him the fuel to keep his body alive.  To ask him to take the pills that marginally reduce the disturbing side effects of his condition.  To watch him move around the house seeking a comfortable place, and finding none.

I love this dog.  He is gentle and timid and has known some hardship in his life.  But I have loved him from the day we met.  And if I look into my heart for the personal values that resonate there, I find compassion, looking back at me. 

Thankfully there is a partner in my life at the moment who can do the things I cannot do and say the words I am afraid to form on my lips.  Have the difficult conversation with the veterinarian and ask for the house call.

Edgar, dog of my heart, forgive my weakness.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. November 19, 2010 12:16 am

    Oh Diane, my heart breaks for you because I know exactly how you feel right now. I’ve been through this same thing.

    It takes great strength, not weakness to know when.

    Sending you and C a BIG hug and lots of love.

    ((( Diane and C )))


    • November 19, 2010 12:06 pm

      Thank you Ron, I so look forward to communicating with you in this space and just knew that I would find a hug. It helps so much. My very best— xoxo

  2. Lesa permalink
    November 19, 2010 10:58 am

    Experienced the SAME situation last month. We shed SO many tears leading up to the sad day. Even our other 2 dogs and cat grieved…..He was a stray,big, gentle, perfect family member for 12 years. My husband just couldn’t deal w/’digging another hole’ (sorry) at our country home. We get SO close to our pets. He contacted a local funeral home and Chase was cremated and returned in a lovely hand carved wooden box. Had mixed emotions about this, but SO glad we did. Its soothing, i promise. He loved being inside anyway and i like feeling his spirit is somehow here. So glad we did this. I feel your sadness and heartache. I’m thankful other people love their pets as your family.
    Warm Regards
    Lesa Whittamore

    • November 19, 2010 12:05 pm

      Lesa, thank you so much for sharing this story. It gives me fortitude. Wishing you and your family peace (and a very happy Thanksgiving).

  3. November 19, 2010 12:02 pm

    Thank you so much Lesa and Ron for your kind support. And somehow, I know that it is still not time. He responded favorably to another pain pill (steroid) last night and I can see signs of life that had retreated for a while. While his illness will continue to progress, I can count my blessings for the days remaining.

    • November 20, 2010 3:41 pm

      Hello Diane!

      Just stopped by to see how you were doing. I’m so happy to hear everything is well, and that he is responding well to the medication!

      (((( Diane ))))

      Have a wonderful weekend, my friend!


      • November 22, 2010 6:38 pm

        Ron, thank you. So much!! Yes, Edgar is here resting beside me now on the kitchen floor. I think his pain is substantially reduced and he is far more comfortable. Makes me feel so much less stressed out.

  4. November 19, 2010 6:09 pm

    oh no…i’m so sorry about this…my dog just turned 14 and he’s had epilepsy for his whole life…he’s my mom’s BEST friend, by far, and i’m freaking out for her…but i’m glad he’s responding well now! enjoy your time together for sure! 🙂

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