I received a thoughtful email from someone today about aligning the actions in your life with your personal values. I believe in that, it keeps your outsides and insides in harmony. Congruous. A word from geometry that means the same thing.
But I don’t happen to feel harmonious. I feel afraid. And saddened.
My big dog, who has been sick for a while now, is approaching the end of his life. His illness has progressed rapidly, causing a considerable amount of discomfort, steadily increasing as the days continue.
It grieves me to witness this, to ask him to endure another day, to coax him to eat another bowl of food that will give him the fuel to keep his body alive. To ask him to take the pills that marginally reduce the disturbing side effects of his condition. To watch him move around the house seeking a comfortable place, and finding none.
I love this dog. He is gentle and timid and has known some hardship in his life. But I have loved him from the day we met. And if I look into my heart for the personal values that resonate there, I find compassion, looking back at me.
Thankfully there is a partner in my life at the moment who can do the things I cannot do and say the words I am afraid to form on my lips. Have the difficult conversation with the veterinarian and ask for the house call.
Edgar, dog of my heart, forgive my weakness.